Now, for those of you who are currently thinking "Oh great, another scorned lover being cynical and depressing"...again, sorry to disappoint. I'm neither scorned nor cynical. I'm also not badmouthing this "Hollywood" image of love just because I think it's too perfect to ever really work with real people. Quite, the opposite, actually. I'm saying that you should reject the "normal" idea of love, not because it is too great, but because it isn't great enough.
While we're on the subject of scorned lovers, though, allow me to address the popular saying "Love hurts"
Good. It's supposed to.
Alright, the first thing we need to understand is the different ways we can use the word "love." If you're a regular reader, you've heard this before. If you're a first time reader (or, in other words, a soon-to-be regular reader) you're going to hear it again. Well, what did you expect from a blog called Love Conquers All? Anyway, I present to you The Four Greek Words for Love.
See, English is kind of crummy sometimes. We use the same word to describe a marriage that endures for half a century as we use to describe one's affinity for a certain restaurant's pizza. Think of how, in grade school, there was a major difference between "liking" someone and "liking" someone. Like, like liking them. Not just like, liking them. Like liking them. You get my point.
Anyway, in Greek there are four words that we English speakers would translate as "love"
Eros: This is, stereotypically, that romantic love I described above. It doesn't have to be, per se. It's most literally translated as passionate love, but easily gets confused with lust.
Philias: Literally, "brotherly love." That's why phil-adelphia (adelphia being the Greek word for city) is the "city of brotherly love." Note that this doesn't have to be literal blood-brothers. More like best friends. Friends that are practically brothers. Probably not quite bromance, though...
Storge: Family love. This is the sort of love a mother has for her children, or siblings have for one another.
Agape: Sacrifice love. This is the one I'm most interested in. You can't really sum it up in a word or two, like you can with the others. If I had to, I'd probably call it either "sacrifice love" "unitive love" or "unconditional love" The core of agape lies in loving somebody so much you would do anything for them. It's a love of total self giving. The love that isn't based on their good looks, or the fate that you were born in the same house. It's a love of willfull suffering.
Sounds exciting, right? Right?
No, it really doesn't. It's not quite the "roses on Valentine's day and chocolates" love. The first thing you're probably thinking is that it sounds so...impractical. Who would want that!? What fool would choose to suffer!?
That's the point, though! You care so much about somebody you really would rather suffer if it was for them. Guys, you get me on this one. Remember when you sat through the gushy chick-flick...again? You weren't trying to "get" anything (at least, I hope not) - you were doing it because you knew it would make her happy. Yeah, it was boring and kinda painful at times, but it made her happy so you put up with it.
Whether you knew it or not, that was agape.
In my mind, agape is the most perfect form of love. In the other ones, you "get" something out of it. You get the feelings of passion, or of camaraderie. It's implied that if you have "brotherly love" with somebody, it's mutual. Agape, though...it can be unrequited. It doesn't "give" the lover anything in particular in this life. It doesn't necessarily make you happy - by contrast it usually hurts you quite bad.
Agape is also unconditional, which means there's usually a lot of forgiving involved. You are choosing to love the person no matter what. Mistakes included. That takes a lot.
So, have no illusions - if you want to love fully, it's going to hurt you. It will probably be the worst pain you ever felt. But, don't let that discourage you. It's the best for a reason.
In my mind, the greatest act of love ever performed was when Jesus Christ allowed himself to be crucified. He hadn't done anything wrong - it wasn't "fair". It wasn't his sin he was erasing. Not even a sliver of it was his! It was all for us. It was completely unselfish. He willingly bore the worst pains possible and got no personal benefit out of it whatsoever.
That is how Jesus loved us. Enough to die for us.
This past Sunday, the gospel was from the Last Supper dialogues. Basically, some of Jesus' last words to his apostles. The most important things he has to tell them. One line in particular stands out: "Love one another as I have loved you."
That is another one of those lines that we've heard so many times that we kind of gloss over. Jesus is directly telling us here how to live our lives! He's literally giving us a single sentence summary of everything.
Needless to say, I can't stress this enough.
So, if that's the one sentence we're supposed to base our lives around, we should probably give it some closer thought. "as I have loved you" - how exactly has Jesus loved us?
Oh, right. That.
One time, the people of Hippo went to their bishop, the future saint Augustine, and asked him for one, simple rule they could use to live. His reply, "Once and for all, then, a short precept is given thee: Love, then do what thou wilt."
Or, in today's terms, "Love, then do whatever you want."
Love isn't the dainty, pretend romance everybody pretends. It's so much better than that. Since we know that "God is love", anytime we love each other, we are participating in God Himself.
Isn't that cool!? You and me, becoming a part of God. Y'know, the God. You and me, sharing divinity.
If you take absolutely nothing else from this post, or this blog, or anything ever....remember this:
Love is about giving yourself up for something greater. It's about sacrificing your own wants for the sake of somebody else's. It's about "dying" on your various crosses each and every day. It's also the most fantastic thing in the entire universe. When two people love each other, and really understand the implications of that, that's where the magic happens. Not some expensive bistro over fondue. Love is what binds us together. Love is what makes us human.
If you love everybody...If you agape everybody...If everything you do is done out of love, how could you ever go wrong?
"If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have faith so as to move mountains, but do not have love, then I am nothing.
If I give away everything I own, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, is it not inflated.
Love is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered,
it does not brood over injury.
Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.
Love never fails."
-1 Corinthians 13: 1-8
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