It's been...a while. Sorry. Things come up, y'know? Anyway, that was (by far) the longest break I've ever had from writing, but it really was a case of "one thing led to another" and next thing I knew, BOOM Christmas music (Although, in my defense, that is rather early this year). A lot has happened since my last post, and even more since I stopped writing semi-daily. I've camped in a storm, sailed the seven seas, ate a shark, taught a Bible school, definitely didn't accidentally roll over a toddler, kayaked in a state park, fallen into a lake at a state park, biked Gettysburg, learned the ukulele, played the ukulele with Chuck Olson around a campfire singing Hallelujah, wooed a girl with the Catholic Pickup Lines Song (and the aforementioned ukulele), stormed an ice cream shop I suspected of housing Confederates, convinced a lot of people I shaved my head (or, as I called it, my faux chrome dome). Yeah, I've been busy. Again...sorry.
A great big thank you to anyone who still remembered that this exists and came back (If you're reading this, that means you) and a great big "why" to the several dozen people who blogger tells me still read this every day since I last posted...in July...
Anyway, today I want to talk about something that's been a big theme in my life lately (no, not stress...that'll be coming up soon): change.
Great, another post about change
Now I know what you're thinking: Great, another post about change. I know you're thinking that because you just read the caption on that picture I googled. But I'm not going to rant about how I've changed (that'll come in a few weeks when I look back on a full year of blogging). I want to talk about how we change each other, and what sort of responsibility that puts on us.
You might be saying "But Nick, I don't change anybody!" Well, whether you know it or not, you do. And if you really believed you didn't change people, why are you still reading this? Anyway, changing people is a fact of life. Every time we interact with a person, directly or indirectly, we change them in some way. Think of it like a giant beach. No matter how lightly you walk or how little time you spend on the sand, you leave marks. Whether it's as small as half a footprint or a sandcastle, or as big as those really big sand sculptures that guy at Ocean City does, at least one grain of sand is moved because of your presence.
...look busy
Sometimes those changes don't last. Sometimes the tide comes in and washes them away. But sometimes they don't. Sometimes they stay...and it's not just the big ones either. Sure, the bigger the change, the more likely it is to endure, but sometimes even the smallest things remain long after the person who made them is gone. I can still pinpoint very, very tiny things about my thoughts and behavior; why I use this phrase, why I say this, why I like/don't like this song...and then I realize the person that caused it left long ago. Their vacation is long over, but their footprints remain, for better or for worse.
I'm sure we've all experienced that. Something happens and we trace its origin to someone long gone. Sometimes it's a good thing. I learned how to be there for people when somebody wasn't there for me. I really don't talk to the person who taught me how nice a "Good Morning" text can be anymore, but in that small way they live on. I haven't talked to them in years and they probably wouldn't talk to me if the chance arose. But they're still in my life somehow.
Sometimes that's not such a good thing. There are still songs I can't listen to. Songs I have to skip because listening to them only reminds me of bad things. That is something they changed for me, albeit very small. Sometimes it's bigger things. like not wanting to go certain places or behave certain ways.
The point is, you know and I know how much people impact us. The closer they are to us, the easier and more lasting their impact can be. But that influence goes two ways. We are "those people" to others.
Being in a relationship and having close friends has shown me firsthand how much we change each other. The point, though, is that we don't try to change each other. If I notice a "flaw" in somebody, I shouldn't specifically try to change them. Encourage them, yes. Love them, definitely. But changing somebody should never be our primary objective.
This is another thing that we can take our inspiration from (spoiler alert) Jesus. Jesus wants us to "be perfect, just as your Father is perfect" but he never tries to change us unless we let him. He calls us to greatness, just as we should "encourage one another" but Jesus never changes us against our will. That is why we pray so often that we open our hearts, so that Jesus can transform us, "And you will be made new".
So, in the end it's up to us. We have a choice who we let into our hearts. Once somebody is "in" they can do what they like. Change us, hurt us, heal us, whatever they like. But we have the choice who we give that power to. And sometimes people will hurt us. Sometimes we will trust when we shouldn't, and will get hurt as a result. But that should never make us harden our hearts. Just because we have been hurt once (or a dozen times) does not say anything about the next.
You have the final say who gets room inside your head. Yeah, sometimes you won't make the right choice but it's still yours to make. And part of changing means we get better at making those choices.
If I have learned one thing in the last several months, it's that people change. You change them, and they change you. It isn't (or rather shouldn't be) an intentional process, but a byproduct of love - being turned into the person you are meant to be. And that is Christ working in our lives. That is Him declaring "Behold, I make all things new"
It's good to be back.
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